


Eye Opener

by Rasnak_2, sour_rose61



Category: Aaja Nachle (2008), Rang De Basanti | Paint It Saffron (2006)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bollywood, Angst, Bollywood, Can be graphic?, Did I mention rape?, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mentions of Rape, Multi, Rape mentioned only after the 3rd chapter or so, Rape/Non-con Elements, Suicidal Thoughts, dark topics, male rape exists, sensitive topics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:08:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25727944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rasnak_2/pseuds/Rasnak_2, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sour_rose61/pseuds/sour_rose61
Summary: The Young Guns of India gang have just finished their documentary and are enjoying their life. Ajay is back and staying for a while so... everything was perfect. But then the Ajanta troupe comes in with a script that turns their "perfect" life upside down. Why? Read to find out!Ratings will change as the story progresses.
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK soo... this book will be updated twice a month. And warnings will be given if we are to mention anything M or E. And we hope you will like this story! And chapters are written by us alternatively.
> 
> CHAPTER WRITTEN BY RASNAK

"And that's a wrap!" Sue announced with a clap and everyone let out a loud hoot of joy as the documentary was finally completed. Well... there were a few edits that still had to be made but... at least the shooting was done with as of now.

The last scene consisted of still shots to accompany the narration of Sue's granddad talking about the three kinds of people. The constant makeup and costume change had been a chore for all of them. And placing them in their correct positions? That took hours! So they were just happy that all this hard work probably will pay off in some way or the other.

Yes, while it had been a taxing job, the group had a lot of fun in the course of the making. New bonds were formed, enemies are now friends, they all had a new perspective of looking at life... and most of all... they were happy with life as it was right now.

And it definitely did have an effect on the boys' personalities. The once immature members had gained a more serious look, (they were still immature but... they had definitely had an increase in the sense of responsibility) while Laxman had started to loosen up a little and learned to enjoy life a bit. He realised that his intentions had been pure but he was showing it in the wrong place by supporting a close minded party so he decided to quit.

"Ok so... this calls for a celebration!" Ajay said, winking at Sonia, who just shook her head at his antics as the boys, except Laxman, started jumping around Ajay. Their smile was infectious, and soon had everyone laughing at them, who just laughed along.

"Kahaan jaa rahe hain" Karan asked, taking the driver's seat in his jeep, letting everyone hop on while DJ and Ajay started up their bikes. "Follow me" was all Ajay said before zooming off with Sonia. _(Where are we going?)_

The drive was a bit long but totally worth it as they ended up in a really scenic place surrounded by fields and in the middle of them lay the ruins of a once majestic fort that stood tall against time.

"Kya occasion hai bhai?" Aslam asked as he got down, his hands itching for a paper to write poems about the scene in front of him. "Kuch nahi, bathata hoon" Ajay replied, still keeping to his mysterious ways. _(What is the occasion?) (Nothing much, will tell you later)_

The immature boys just shrugged and ran to the field, jumping around and playing with joy as the other 4 stared at them. "Arey Laxman, tum bhi jaa na? Thoda relax karna yaar" Ajay said. _(Laxman, you also go na? Relax a little yaar)_

"Nai... mujhe yeh sab... na" Laxman said as he stared at the boys. "Pasandh nahi hai ya... koi rok raha hai tumhe?" Ajay asked, raising an eyebrow with a teasing smile. "Ajay, tu bhi na! Agar usko nahi jaana nahi toh kyon pareshaan kar rahe ho use?" Sonia chided. _(No… I'm not much… na) (You don't like it or… is something stopping you?) (Ajay, you also na! If he doesn't want to go they why are you forcing him?)_

"What is this Ajay!" Sue chimed in and they laughed as the others returned back panting and exhilarated from all that running. "Ok guys, calm down now! Ek important announcement hai... agar thodi time hai tumhare paas... Toh saari zindagi meri saath guzarna chaahogi?" he asked with a smile as he held out the ring and everyone went to hug the couple except Laxman, Karan and Sue, who was filming the whole thing. _(Ok guys, calm down now! There’s an important announcement… if you have some time to spare… then will you want to spend your life with me?)_

"Arey, jaao na" Laxman said as he looked at Karan, who just shook his head and watched on with a smile, a look of longing and something else in his eyes. And he couldn't decipher what it was. _(You also go na)_

The hug broke and the couple had their moment before Ajay turned towards Karan, as if he was asking for validation. Karan just smiled and pulled them into a hug before forcing Ajay to give Sonia the ring, his heart breaking a little as the ring slid down the finger smoothly.

"And now party!" DJ shouted as Laxman conveyed his wishes to the couple. Even though he'd spent time with them for this long... He still felt like he didn't belong with them... like he was missing something but couldn't point out what it was. Karan sighed, things will never change...

And this time Ajay oh so smartly took them to a bar and Karan's breath hitched slightly as he moved inside, courtesy of a slight shove on the part of Sukhi, Aslam following behind with his nose scrunched at the strong smell of alcohol and sweat reeked through the place.

"Ajay..." Aslam deadapaned and the said person raised his hands in defeat. "Sonia ne kaha ki Sue ne club nahi gayi India mein toh... sochta ki aaj woh ichha poori karden? Plus pilot hoon, doesn't mean that I don't drink at times'' he said with a shrug and Aslam rolled his eyes and settled down somewhere, preferably away from the alcohol. He wasn't in the mood today for the same old lecture from his dad, again. Not that it was a successful venture as the place stunk of alcohol and he’d be unable to escape the stench or leave without it latching onto him. _(Sonia said that Sue hasnt gone to any club in India so… I thought why not fulfil that wish today? Plus, I might be a pilot, doesn't mean that I won’t drink at times)_

Ajay and Sonia were in their own world, slow dancing with a glass in their hands, discreetly stealing glances at Karan, who was seated near Aslam, a cigarette lit in his hand with a glass of water in his other. 

They frowned whenever girls approached him, but he politely refused each of them along with Aslam. Neither noticed the way his hand tightened around the glass, the way he looked nervous and shifty, glancing at the glass very often, nor the measured, shaky breaths he let out. If Aslam had noticed it, he didn't comment on it.

DJ, Sukhi and Sue were... all over the place so to say. One minute they are dancing their legs off, the next they are headed to the bar for another round of shots, chatting strangers up. It was particularly funny to see Sukhi trying to impress the girls and fail miserably!

"When do you want to approach him?" Ajay asked curiously. "Thodi dher ki baad... I don't think he'll take us seriously if we ask him right now... Itni jaldi kyon propose kiya tune?" Sonia asked. "Kisi ko nahi patha ki kab mujhe waapas bulalenge... aur tab mujhe kya hogi... toh maine socha kyon na abhi?" Ajay said and Sonia hit him hard, glaring at him. _(After a while… I don't think he’ll take us seriously if we ask him right now… why did you propose this soon?) (No one knows when I’ll be called back… nor what will happen to me… so I thought why not no?)_

"Achca baba theek hai! I promise ki hum usse baath karenge iske baare mein. Par he should also accept it na? Agar humne usko yeh bola aur woh mana kardiya toh... sab change hone ka bhi chances hai na?" he asked in worry."Uske baare mein baad mein dekhlenge baba, ab enjoy karlo" Sonia said. _(Ok ok! I promise that we will talk to him about this later on. But he should also accept no? If we approach him and he refuses… everything will change right?) (We will think about that later on, enjoy for now)_

This was on for quite a while until Urvashi started playing in the background. “Ab bulalenge Karan ko.” Ajay said and approached him. “Want to dance Karan? Tumhara favourite song bhi hai…” Ajay asked and Karan looked like he wanted to refuse but then sighed and took his hand, protecting his glass on the other. _(Now we’ll call Karan) (Want to dance Karan? It is your favourite song also…)_

“Just this one huh? Just because it is my favourite” Karan conceded and went but Ajay stopped him and picked the glass off his hand and set it down before dragging the two boys behind him. One dance could never hurt right? So they were just playing around and dancing, enjoying the moment till the song ended… Well, until Humma started to play on the speakers… and it was one of his weaknesses… So they stayed on for that one song. 

But when Mustafa started playing, Karan drew the line and gave the stink eye at Ajay, having a suspicion that Ajay was behind all this and went back to their seat, catching their breath and enjoying the moment of peace.

In this quiet moment, another girl had snuck upon the duo and gently dragged her hand along Karan's shoulder, causing him to tense up slightly before turning around. "Nice moves… wanna dance?" she whispered seductively, sending shivers down his spine.

"No thank you. Not interested." he said and shifted a little, trying to displace the hand, which was slowly turning into a vice grip on his shoulder. "Please... just one song?" she requested but her eyes told a completely different story.

"Arey, agar usne na bola toh na hai yaar. Ab please jaao na." Aslam said, ready to move her away from Karan by force if need be, he could see how tense he's become and the way he is trying to control himself and shifting minutely. And the look looked so... misplaced on him that Aslam knew something was wrong. _(Arey, if he says no, it means no. Please go now)_

Laxman who’d tried to stay away from them as much as possible noticed the exchange and quietly moved to their side. "Anything wrong?" The lady just stared at the 3 of them and smiled sweetly before quickly pressing her lips against Karan's and whispered "Meet you again handsome" and left, leaving them all in a moment of shock. Karan was frozen, fists clenched, and he let out an almost inaudible whimper as he tried to process what had happened, before moving out of the bar silently, Aslam and Laxman following him.

"Himmat dheki uski! Na bolne ke baad bhi!" Aslam exclaimed in anger when they were outside. "Chhod na yaar, jo hua... woh hua. Karan, tum theek ho?" Laxman asked but Karan remained silent, gazing at the distance, drowning in the memories that were flooding in. _(How dare she! Even after telling no!) (Leave it yaar, whatever happened… happened. Karan, are you alright?)_

"Karan?" Aslam asked in concern when he didn't reply for a while and touched his shoulder, causing him to flinch and jump back, looking around frantically before calming down. "Kya hua yaar?" he asked, his concern turning tenfold. _(What happened?)_

"Kuch nahi yaar, kuch soch raha tha bas..." Karan said with a shrug but knew that the two of them didn't believe him but still left it at that, opting to keep him company outside. _(Nothing, I was just thinking about something...)_

Meanwhile, Sukhi stumbled to the bar, parting from his friends on the dance floor. He giggled at nothing in particular as his vision blurred.

‘Those bloody shots’ he thought as he shuffled to the bar to get another. As he approaches the bar, he eyes at a rather pretty girl and redirects his path so that he ends up standing right next to her.

“Hey gorgeous, I’m Sukhi,” his words slurred as he introduced himself. She rolled her eyes and turned the other way, really not interested in him. Not that Sukhi could read her reaction under the heavy influence on alcohol. He continues his attempt in pursuing the girl, but only after downing two more shots.

“Excuse me but I think you have my keys”

“What?” the annoyance was clear in her voice.

“The keys to my heart, you have them” he pointed to the keys set down next to her hand. The girl set her drink down, and before Sukhi could process the events that took place a pain surged through his body, beginning at his crotch. A roar of laughter erupted behind as his body curled inward and the rush of embarrassment made his checks redden. He’d just been kicked in the crotch in the middle of a crowded bar and his friends were laughing at him!

“Kaminey!” he yelled as he limped past his friends and settled on a chair nearby.

“Kya karoon Sukhi, yeh toh hona hi tha. I mean, ‘I think you have the keys to my heart’… really?” Sonia asked as she laughed. “Mazaak math karna yaar!!!” he whined with a pout. _(What do I do Sukhi, this was bound to happen, I mean, ‘I think you have the keys to my heart’... really?)_

“Guys… Karan, Aslam aur Laxman kahaan hai?” DJ asked with a frown on his face as he looked around the place and couldn’t find them. “Yahi kahi honge” Sue said with a shrug as Ajay shouldered on his coat and helped Sonia onto her feet. “Toh phir unhe dhoondte hai” Sonia slurred as she leaned onto Ajay as they headed outside to look for them. _(Guys… where are Karan, Aslam and Laxman?) (They should be somewhere around) (Then let's search for them)_

They burst the door open after paying their due and started searching for the trio outside, some laughter escaping them as they tried to control it. "Kya hua?" Karan asked, making them all face him. "Kisi ladki ne Sukhi ko zoor se maara flirt karne ke liye" DJ said with a laugh and Sukhi pouted with a "Kya yaar!" _(What happened?) (Some girl hit Sukhi hard for flirting with her) (What man!)_

"Arey, usko toh wahi aadat hai na? Kya nayi hai is baar?" Aslam asked. "Us ladki ne usko wahaan maari, samjhe?" Sonia said, waggling her eyebrows and the 3 of them laughed, getting the implications of the sentence. _(Arey, that's his usual behaviour no? What is new this time?) (She hit him there, understand?)_

“Par tum log kyon baahar aaye? Mazaa nahi aa raha tha kya?” Sue asked and the three of them looked at anything but the faces of the 5 of them, feeling a bit uncomfortable to disclose what had happened. They knew that if they told them about it right now, they had to be ready to bail them out as they were quite protective of Karan, especially Ajay and Sonia. _(But why did you guys come out? Were you not having fun?)_

"Na, bore ho rahe the andhar aur hawa ke liye baahar aaye the. Ok ok, ab ghar chalte hai, dher ho rahi hai" Laxman said, taking the fact that some of them started tripping over themselves as a distraction. "DJ, Sue aur Sukhi jeep main bhaito. Laxman, tum unke saath aana. Main aur Aslam ek bike mein, Ajay aur Sonia doosri mein. No arguments." Karan decided and they did the same without protesting. _(We started getting bored and wanted to get some fresh air. Ok, ok, now let's go home, it's getting late)_

"Arey yaar Laxman... tum kyon us party ke saath kaam karte ho?" Sukhi asked. "Desh ke liye kuch karna chahtha tha" Laxman said curtly. "Toh phir us party kyon?" Sue asked. "Matlab?" he asked, unable to understand the message they were conveying. _(Laxman, why do you work in that party?) (I want to contribute to the country in soe way) (But why that party?) (What do you mean?)_

"Woh bas... tune kaha ki tum desh ke liye kuch karna chaahte ho par... ek secular desh mein ek Anti-Muslim party ko support kar rahe ho... galat math samajna par... kyon na tumhara apna party ek create kar na? Is tareeke se tum tumhare yojnaon ko sahi direction mein execute karne ki chances hai na" DJ said. ( _It's just… you said that you wanted to do something for the country but… you are supporting an Anti-Muslim party in a secular country… don't get me wrong but… Why don't you start your own party? In this way you have the chance to execute your ideas in the way you want to right?)_

And this provoked some thought in him. He knew that he'd initially joined the party so that he could do something productive and also pay for his college expenses... but then somewhere along the line... his duty had turned into blind loyalty... and it was disturbing as to how blind and loyal he had been to them for so long. And maybe he’ll quit the party soon… DJ’s idea wasn't that bad after all…

Meanwhile Aslam just hugged Karan from behind, knowing very well that Karan was feeling uncomfortable and shifty from whatever had happened back at the bar. “Sach batao mujhe, kya tum sach mein theek ho?” he asked and Karan just shrugged. “Maybe, maybe not. Tu fikar math kar na yaar.” Karan waved it off. _(Tell me honestly, are you really ok?) (Maybe, maybe not. You don't worry about it)_

“Dost hoon yaar tumhara, fikar toh hogi. Agar tumhe kuch bother kar rahi hai toh you know that I will listen to you right? Help karne ke liye ready hoon main, sunloonga jo bhi hai tumhare dil mein, dard baatne ke liye tayaar hoon. Hum sab tayaar hai.” Aslam said as he tightened his grip, trying to convey the sincerity of his words. _(I am your friend, I will obviously be worried. You know that I will listen to you if something is bothering you right? I am ready to help, ready to listen to whatever you say, ready to share your pain. We all are ready to do so))_

“Jaantha hoon Aslam. Par mujhe kuch nahi hai bathane ke liye. Agar kuch hai, toh zaroor boldunga, I promise.” Karan said but felt a bit bad lying to him for he had one secret that he might never let out unless and until it was an accident… Little did he know, he was about to face it really soon in a way he wouldn't have expected it to happen. _(I know that Aslam. But I don't have anything to say, not right now. If there is anything, I will definitely tell you guys, I promise)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all like it! All comments and criticisms accepted and appreciated!
> 
> Thank you all for reading!!!!!!
> 
> Published on 5 August 2020


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER WRITTEN BY SOUR_ROSE61

“Excuse me dean ka office kaha hai?” Sanjeev approached a random student passing by.  _ (Excuse me,where is the dean’s office?) _

After processing the student’s directions Imraan parted from the group, on a mission to find a washroom. 

As the rest of the group waited in the foyer of the building awaiting Imraan’s arrival, growing impatient by the second.

“Chalo yaar andar chalte hain, woh wait karega” Diya leads the group inside the office. Greeting the dean, they notice another presence in the room sitting in the corner sofa.  _ (Let’s go inside guys, he’ll wait.) _

“Oh yes! Meet Aslam, the head of the drama club, he’ll show you around and help you out. If you need anything at all he is the man to go to” the dean points to him as the jaws of the troupe drop.

“Imraan?!” Anokhi squeaked. 

“Nahi, mera naam Aslam hai. Nice to meet you!” his hand stretched out towards Diya.  _ (No, my name is Aslam) _

Diya, still stunned, reluctantly puts her hand forward and everyone in the room is as confused as the next person.

“So… you know why you were called here right?” the dean asked.

“Haan, you wanted us to put up a drama here for some big shots but you never specified what you wanted us to do… script vagaira tayaar hone ke liye time toh lagega and we just have 3 months so…” Diya hesitated.

“Achcha… Sorry I forgot to mention it to you all… there was a student in our college who actually approached me with the script and well… thoda bada drama hai toh, we couldn’t enact it with our students alone. We are trying to do a drama on some social issue you see, something that people don't often bring up. And we hope that we can spread some awareness on such issues with your help as.., you know, you have a wider reach and all that.” the dean explained and the troupe looked interested while Aslam looked a bit skeptical. 

_ (Right… Sorry I forgot to mention it to you all... there was a student in our college who approached me with a script and well… it’s a big drama so we couldn’t enact it with our students alone.) _

“Sir… aap Rao ke script ke baare mein baath kar rahe ho kya?” he asked, eyebrows furrowed in thought. “Haan Aslam par woh wala script nahi, this is a completely different concept. Unfortunately he is out of station currently and will return only after two days. Why don't you all look around and have fun in the meantime?” the dean clarified and Aslam let out a sigh of relief. 

_ (Sir… are you talking about Rao’s script?) (Yes Aslam but it’s not that script, this is a completely different script) _

“We will love to help you with it sir. Just let us know when the scriptwriter arrives… it will take some time to get everything ready and rehearse you know?” Diya said as she stood up along with the rest of the troupe.

“Come on, I will show you all around” Aslam led the group outside the office.

“Imraan yeh kaisa mazak hai? When did you get the time to change?” Diya hit the puzzled Aslam over the back of his head the minute they were out of the dean’s sight.  _ (Imraan what kind of a joke is this?) _

“I’m sorry, what?” He's more confused than ever. 

“Yaar ye campus itna bada kyun hai?” said a familiar voice from behind the group questions.Imraan’s complaining fades out as Aslam turns to face him, the entire troupe's jaws drop.  _ (Guys, why is this campus so big?) _

The two identical men stand facing each other, a stunned silence as they examine each other, the group behind murmuring to themselves.

“I’ll show you guys around” Aslam turned around slowly, eyes still fixed on Imraan.

“Yeh… Rao kaun hai?” Anokhi asked curiously.  _ (Who is Rao?) _ __

“Woh? Woh toh humara go to guy hai scripts ke liye… humesha ek idea hai uske paas. But his ideas can also tend to be a little… sensitive topic for the public. Kuch din pehle mere paas aaya tha ek script ke saath… it was about two ladies who fall in love and… one of their fathers is initially against it and then comes to accept it… you know? Aur India mein thoda sensitive topic hai kyon ki it is still a crime to be in a gay relationship…” Aslam explained. “And I don't know what he’s going to come up with now,” he muttered.

_ (He is our go to guy for scripts..he always has an idea. But his ideas can tend to be a little… sensitive topic for the public. A few days ago he came to me with a script … it was about two ladies who fall in love and… one of their fathers is initially against it and then comes to accept it… you know? And in India it’s a sensitive topic because it is still a crime to be in a gay relationship)  _

As the sun began to set, the tour finished with Aslam leading the group to the classroom to relax as everyone kept glancing at the two identical men whose fascination and confusion seemed to fade.

“Guys meet the Ajanta troupe all the way from Shamli. This is Dj,Sukhi, Sue, Sonia, Karan, Ajay and Laxman” Aslam lets the group introduce themselves, watching his friends shift their gaze from him to Imraan.

“We didn’t know you had a twin” Sue turned to Aslam, awaiting an answer.

“I don’t.” his shrug just baffled the group even more.

People started to file into the area and music started to play loudly, the group still very confused and constantly mistaking Imraan for Aslam and vice versa as they were in the corner, chatting up about art while painting another graffiti. 

“So, what brought you to India?” Diya approached Sue, taking a seat next to her and Sonia on the steps.

“Oh, I am making a documentary, well we just finished shooting. It’s called ‘The Young Guns of India’.”

“Heavy title” 

“Heavy topic” Sonia chimed in.

“Well then maybe you guys could help me hold auditions? We need more people for the play and I’m not sure where to start.” Diya asked. Sue and Sonia shared a knowing look.

“Iss university main actors dhondna impossible hain, trust me I’ve tried but I think I know just the group of boys who can help. Any other help can be taken from the local people.”  _ (It’s impossible to find actors in this university) _

The next day Sue and Sonia had summoned the boys for a ‘group meeting’ at the classroom, although they met there everyday it felt necessary to announce it taking place. 

“Toh kya hain yeh big announcement and what's the deal with getting us here so early?” Sukhi was clearly annoyed and tired.  _ (So what is the big announcement and what’s the deal with getting us here so early?) _

“Okay first of all it is literally midday and I would like everyone to pay attention please,” Sonia hit Dj over the head interrupting the surely pointless conversation he was having with Aslam.

“Kya hai?” he responded, rubbing the back of his head.  _ (What is it?) _

“We are all going to be a part of the play” Sue announced ready for the shouts of protest, and they were not disappointed as it started immediately. All the boys seated in front of her were horrified, the two girls shared a knowing glance and rolled their eyes at the boys' dramatics.

“No way! Not again yaar, abhi abhi tumhare documentary ka shooting khatam hui hai” Aslam whined.  _ (We just finished shooting for the documentary) _

“C’mon guys! Aachi experience hogi! I’m sure we will enjoy it!” Sonia retaliated.  _ (It’ll be a good experience) _

Karan, Ajay and Laxman silently watched the others as the others attempted to argue with the girls to get out of this. 

“No. No means no!” Dj chimed in. 

“Guys! Stop being such spoilsports. Karan?” Sonia looked over at him hoping he would be the first one to say yes as he had done for the documentary.

“I’m sorry Sonia par yeh play hai, it’s live. Documentary mein hum reshoot kar sakte the but if anything goes wrong in a play there is no fixing it. Aur yeh naach gaana mujhse nahi hota” Sonia was beyond disappointed with his response.  _ (I’m sorry Sonia but this is a play, it’s live. We could reshoot for the documentary but if anything goes wrong in a play there is no fixing it. And I can’t dance and sing) _

“Aur script bata kis ki hai? Rao ka!” Aslam added.  _ (And you know whose script it is? Rao’s!) _

“Matlab controversial topic hoga and he’ll definitely make us do something ajeeb in the name of social awareness” Sukhi argued.  _ (So the topic will be controversial and he’ll definitely make us do something weird in the name of social awareness.) _

“Aur pichle baar he came up with a script of two men and women in love but were betrothed to the other… aka, Ladki 1 to Ladka 1 and Ladki 2 to Ladka 2 par Ladka 1 aur Ladka 2 aur Ladki 1 aur Ladki 2 pyaar mein the…” DJ said with a shudder. “Aslam ne bathaya ki kitna confusion hua us script just padne mein..” 

_ (And last time he came up with a script of two men and women in love but were betrothed to the other. Woman 1 to Man 1 and Woman 2 to Man 2 but Man 1 and Man 2 and Woman 1 and Woman 2 are in love.. Aslam told us how confusing it was to just read the script..) _

“I mean, the script was not that bad but… we don't even know how many people are actually needed you know?” Sukhi said at Sonia’s glare. 

“Well I hope you guys can score me a ticket!” Ajay teased the boys.

“Ooops, forgot to mention Flight Lieutenant Ajay Singh Rathod is also going to take part in this wonderful play,” Sonia’s smile was menacing. The rest of the gang tried to hold in their giggles, but failed miserably as Ajay’s jaw dropped. 

“You’re not serious!” the genuine offence in his voice made the boys laugh harder, Ajay could only glare at them.

“But we are, we’re very serious!” Sue teased. Ajay opened his mouth to argue.

“Don’t even think about using work as an excuse” Sonia said before Ajay could even make a noise.”I’ve spoken to Maa already and I know you don’t have work then!” she continued.

“But I don’t even go to uni!” he attempted to reason.

“Toh? Neither does Laxman, aur woh complain nahi kar raha hai” Sonia argued.  _ (So? Neither does Laxman and he’s not complaining!) _ __

Laxman just shrugged. “Complain kiya toh faaida kya? Women monarchy chal rahi hai, aap logon ka words hi final hai na? You are going to have your way in the end”  _ (What’s the point of complaining? Women monarchy runs here, your words are final right?) _

“You guys are doing it and that’s final! We’ve already given our word to Diya and we can’t go back on it now” Sue demanded. Laxman just looked at them like he was saying ‘What did I just say?’. 

The girls turned around and walked out, paying no mind to the shouts of protests. As the girls vanished out of sight the boys sighed.

“Guess we have to do it now” Dj sighed again, slumping in his seat. 

Diya and the troupe showed up a while later, the two girls following them. A questioning look appeared on Diya’s face and the rest of the troupe's faces as they noticed the boys slouching, each one of them sporting a childish frown, apart from Karan and Laxman who wore their usual brooding expressions.

Aslam had his head in his hands, constantly muttering about how they were in hell for being forced to do the play, Laxman and Karan were smoking in turns, contemplating on why they were in this situation, stuck between muttering and whining boys.

DJ and Sukhi are just pouting and talking between them about how Sonia wasn't being fair to them when Sonia approached them.

“Decide karliya hai kya?” she asked and Ajay just pulled his best pouty face, hoping that Sonia will let him out of this mess.  _ (Have you decided?) _

“Awww! Is my fiance upset about doing a play? It's just a matter of 3 months na?” she asked as she playfully pinched his cheeks.

Diya nodded at Sue, mouthing the words ‘kya hua’ concerned as to why the boys who seemed so jovial when they first met were now so gloomy. Sue just shook her head, her lips crawling into a small smile.  _ (What happened?) _

“Diya, meet the actors who so kindly agreed to help you out for the play!” Sue announced cheekily. The boys looked defeated and glared at Sue. Anokhi had to elbow Imraan in the ribs to get him to at least try to stifle his laughs.

“Are you sure they want to play a part?” Diya asked doubtfully as she took in the gloomy faces in front of her.

“Definitely they will, they won’t pose any problems at all, right?” Sonia asked sweetly and the boys nodded, knowing that there was no way to escape.

And two days later, the storm arrived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all like it! All comments and criticisms accepted and appreciated!
> 
> Thank you all for reading!!!!!!
> 
> Published on 31 August 2020


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter was written by me! (RASNAK)

And thus, the two days passed while they were waiting for Rao to arrive, getting to know each other while sharing anecdotes and roaming the streets, discreetly trying to find some decent people who might be able to act if need be.

"Aslam bhai" Rao called out as he ran towards him in the canteen, just as he was ready to leave. "Arey Rao? Kab aaya tum? Aur us bhai ko chhod do please, main bas ek saal senior hoon tumhara" Aslam said as Rao panted heavily beside him.  _ (Arey Rao? When did you arrive? And please drop that bhai thing please, I am just a year senior to you) _

"Kuch nahi, Dean ne kaha ki woh Ajanta group aa chuke hai toh... script lekar aa gaya. Kab padani nahi?" he asked. "Ek ghante mein classroom aa. Sab wahi honge" Aslam informed him and sighed. The problem was going to be dragging the whole group here this early in the morning.  _ (Nothing much, the Dean informed me that the Ajanta group has arrived so… I came here with the script. When is the reading?) (Come to the classroom in an hour. Everyone will be there) _

"You know what, make that 2. Dus baje meet karenge sab Classroom mein. Tayaar hoke aana. Kuch dher lagega" Aslam said and walked away, leaving a beaming Rao behind.  _ (You know what? Make that 2. We will meet at the classroom at 10. Be prepared. It will take a while) _

"Arey! Aslam miyaan, kab bathane wale the ki aapko ek judwaa bhai hai?" Rao whispered as he stood next to Aslam while everyone assembled. "Mere toh koi judwaa bhai nahi hai, he just looks like me , that's all" Aslam whispered back.  _ (Arey Aslam, when were you going to tell us that you had a twin brother?) (I don't have any twin brother, he just looks like me, that’s all) _

A short round of introductions later, Rao started speaking up. "Ok hello people. Mein Rao Rai hoon as you know and well... sorry is delay ke liye, I wasn't expecting you guys to come this soon you know? I just hope you guys will be ok to enact this script... kaafi sensitive topic hai as the Dean asked, isi liye" Rao said nervously.

"Woh sab theek hai, pehle storyline batha do na?" Sukhi shouted from one corner. "Um... it deals with a person on a journey of self discovery after..." "Thoda Hindi mein repeat karna please!" Imraan shouted and Rao sighed before repeating.  _ (That and all is ok, tell us the storyline first na?) (Can you repeat it in Hindi please!) _

"Isme ek aadmi ki self dicovery journey dekh rahe hai hum, after a quite... traumatic incident aur woh jin logon se miltha hai aur un logon ki problems and solutions... wahi hai kahaani" Rao explained and looked around.  _ (In this we are looking at the self discovery journey of a person after a quite… traumatic incident and who he meets in the journey and their problems… that is the story) _

"Kya social message hai ispe?" Anokhi asked critically. "Kahaani bathata hoon, tab patha chalega. Bohot message hai madam. Bas... as I said, thoda sensitive hai..." he replied.  _ (What is the social message in this?) (I will tell you the story, then you will know. There are a lot of messages madam. Just… as I said, a little sensitive) _

"Ok then... Main characters?" Diya said. "Ok, ok... cast...." Rao fumbled as he flipped through the pages.

"Right, I am coming from the bottom to top toh... Humare main lead ke baare mein aakhri mein bataunga" Rao said and cleared his throat.  _ (Right, I am coming from the bottom to top so... I will tell you about our main lead in the end) _

"First we have a trans woman, her wife and child..." "Woh Shilpa, uski wife aur Rasukutty tarah kya?" Karan asked, lighting up a cigarette. "Haan, and their life after Shilpa transformed herself... woh kaise adjust kar rahe hai, society uske saath kaise behave kar rahi hai wagaira." Rao said.  _ (Like Shilpa, her wife and Rasukutty?) ( Yeah, and their life after Shilpa transformed herself… how they are adjusting, how the society behaving with them and all that) _

"Ok, phir kaun?" DJ asked. "Um... do bhai hai... , maybe it'll be better if I change it to twins..." Rao pondered as he eyed Aslam and Imraan, making small notes in the corner regarding this. "Usko kya problem hai?" Imraan asked.  _ (Ok, then who?) (Um… there are 2 brothers) (What is their problem?) _

"Ek gay hai aur doosri crossdresser. Aur family ek... orthodox family hai... Bohot conservative bhi... toh... uski struggles hai." Rao said as he made some more notes while everyone's jaw dropped at his statement.  _ (One is gay ad the other, a crossdresser. And the family… It is an orthodox family… and a lot conservative too… so… it is their struggles) _

"Oh, crossdresser ko ek girlfriend bhi hai aur he doesn't know how to reveal it to her. Thoda shy hai aur insecure bhi uske baare mein." he muttered as he noted down the additional information.  _ (Oh, and the crossdresser has a girlfriend and he doesn’t know how to reveal it to her. He is a bit shy and insecure about it) _

"Toh you mean... One of us should play gay and another should cross dress?" Aslam asked skeptically. "Um... no, you will have company. Quite a few have to cross dress and kuch log hai play mein jo gay play kar rahe hai toh... yes" Rao said and Aslam facepalmed and muttered something to himself.  _ (So you mean… one of us should play gay and another should crossdress?) (Um... no, you will have company. Quite a few have to cross dress and some others are also there who have to play gay so… yes) _

"Character division baad mein karenge. First let him finish the list of characters na?" Laxman asked and everyone nodded reluctantly.  _ (We will discuss the character division later on.) _

"Going along with the flow... dono bhai ke liye lovers, ek female aur ek male obviously. Female ek... tomboy ki tarah hai" Rao paused as lot of them elbowed Anokhi, who just blushed and swatted the hands away and Imraan just pulled her closer to his side.  _ (Going with the flow… both the boys have lovers, one male and one female obviously. Female is… like a tomboy) _

"Aur woh male thoda childish hai, goofy hai, par bohot sensible aur understanding bhi hai... and he is not shy of his sexuality" Rao said and everyone initially glanced at Sukhi, who was just looking at anything but them. But then they waved the idea off, they were gonna decide the casting later on after all.  _ (And the male is a little childish, goofy, but is very sensible and understanding… and he is not shy about his sexuality) _

"Agla casting hai humare protagonist ki best friend ki. He is a small shop owner and has a secret affair with a political party member. Yeh lover jo hai na? Ek political party shuru karna chahtha tha par... thodi dirty politics ki wajah se he is stuck with a party that is totally against his morals and ideals… but he has a dark past also" Rao said and everyone glanced over at Laxman, who is trying really hard not to glance at DJ.   
_ (The next casting will be the best friend of the protagonist. And his lover? He wanted to start a political party but… due to dirty politics he is stuck with a party that is totally against his morals and ideals… but he has a dark past) _

"And the next duo are our couple... seedhi saadhi love story hai unke beech mein par, a nearly perfect life with not much disturbances" and everyone started teasing Sonia and Ajay, who just looked at each other with lovey dovey eyes and glanced at Karan, their missing piece.  _ (And the next duo are our couple... a straightforward love story between the 2, a nearly perfect life with not much disturbances) _

"And finally, the protagonist. The connecting piece of all these characters and the person who has the most sensitive issue... he came from a small town in search of a job... lets just say that he was assaulted and it left him so traumatised that he started travelling in order to heal himself..."

"Mugging mein victim tha kya? Par woh bhi kisi ko trauma nahi de saktha hai us level ki... and he could've easily reported it to the police na?" Sonia asked and Karan groaned as he got the point.  _ (Was he a victim of mugging? But even that doesn’t result in any trauma for anyone…) _

"Rao, please don't tell me the protagonist is you know what?!" he swore and all faces turned towards him in curiosity. "Unfortunately, I guess it is the point, it is why it is sensitive... I understand it can be a huge blow but awareness is important." Rao said knowingly.

"What is he talking about Karan?" Ajay asked, feeling a bit frustrated with all the cryptic answers. "The worst form of assault." Karan dead panned as he crushed the joint in his hands before lighting up another one, knowing that he will need it.

"Matlab?" Imraan asked, not catching the point. "Ladkiyon ke liye what is the worst possible assault that leaves them traumatised for life? That's the context he’s taking" Karan explained.  _ (Meaning?) (What is the worst form of assault on ladies that leaves them traumatised for life?) _

"You are kidding right?" Sukhi asked, catching the point. "Nope, I'm not kidding. That's the main point of the play, the reason it all comes to be. Male rape" Rao said seriously as cries out outrage and laughter ran around the whole place.

"Oh come on, it can't be that serious!" Anokhi commented and Rao and Karan just stared at her like she was mad. "Not that serious? Oi madam, let me tell you that it is a very serious issue that is not so seriously taken just because of the ‘brave and strong’ image. Par humko bhi dil hoti hai, humko bhi dard hoti hai." Karan said as he got up and left the place, muttering about needing a breather, much to the worry of the others.  _ (Even we have a heart, even we can feel pain) _

"He's right you know? I know that agar ek ladki ko rape kiya toh she has the chances to get pregnant, maybe no one will come forward to marry her and all that but... trauma is trauma you know. If a man is raped, he can't even go to the police to complain about it. He won't be able to tell anyone about it actually as it's a big blow to his "mardaangi", the image society creates of the man. At least in a female's case she gets some support, if she files a case then she will get justice even if it takes years. But for a man? He can’t even file a case, even if he is just accused for raping a women when he is innocent, hell if he even says that a lady rapes him, he'll be sent to jail instead, no don't give me those looks, it has happened but no one knows about it as females are all goody goody na? She couldn’t make any mistakes" Rao says as he scoffs.

"But no one will believe me unless there's an example. But getting an example is hard as men don't come forward with it. Image destroy ho jaayega na? Us dard ko andhar chupake chupake jeeta hai woh. It is very rare for him to tell it out loud. You know what is the overall point of this play? Us mardaangi image ko thodna. To show what pains and suffering males go through. Sab log ladkiyon ke baare mein drama karte hai to highlight her sufferings. Par ladkon ki dard ke baare mein bohot kam log understand karte hai" Rao ranted, breathing heavily as he looked around.

"If you can see, iss play mein sab thoda male centric hai. Ek trans female hai family ke saath. Do you know what humiliation and suffering they have to go through just because she is trying to be open about her sexuality? Doosra, do bhai from an orthodox family who can’t come out of the closet because what they feel is either criminalised or considered weird, too feminine. The 3rd couple, politics mein phaskar ek aadmi ko kaisa sacrifices karni hai, how he is hiding from himself just so he can go on with life and was abused by his parents when young. And then we have a man who goes through something traumatic but he doesn't have a space to vent it out, and he can’t get justice also because no one will believe him. Image toh waisa hai. This is my step to break those stereotypes. The “Mard ko dard nahi hota” and the “Ladke nahi rote” kind of things. Sorry that I got carried away with my emotions... I know it was harsh par... sachaayi humesha kadwi hai." he apologised as Karan came and sat back down just to light another one, much to the concern of the others. 

"Tum theek ho na?" Aslam asked softly. "Haan, bas thoda sensitive topic hai mere liye, aur kuch nahi" Karan admitted. “Never knew that Rao had it in him yaar” DJ said in awe.  _ (Are you alright?) (Yeah, just that it is a sensitive topic for me, nothing else) _

"What he says is true you know, rape used to be, and still is a form of torture in jails. Par uske baare mein koi nahi jaanta kyon ki they won't admit it, but it definitely has an adverse effect on a person's self esteem and confidence, ladki ho ya ladka" Sue said.   
_ (But we don't know much about it as they won't admit it but it definitely has an adverse effect on a person's self esteem and confidence, be it a boy or a girl) _

“No offense but… maybe we can take a 5 minute break before reading the script? This way we can also take the time to calm down and rethink things you know? Then we can read through the script once. I mean, it will be easier to understand the situation this way na?” Laxman said quietly and everyone agreed.

After a few minutes of pondering and light-hearted discussing, everyone assembled back for the reading. "Arey yaar, yeh toh woh ladka ladki 1 & 2 ki tarah nahi hogi na?" Sukhi asked, just to be sure.  _ (This won’t be like that boy girl 1 & 2 right?) _

"Yeh uski tarah nahi hai. Pehle family background... Sid, whose the protagonist, uski toh maa baap hai par unko gaav mein chhodke job dhoondne ke liye bhai shehar aaya hai." Rao started.  _ (It won’t be like that. First the family background. Sid, the protagonist, has both his parents, who he left behind at his village to come to the city in search of a job) _

"Toh bhaisahaab gaav se aaya hai... rahne ki intezaam?" Imraan asked. "Details baad mein. My intention is to just go through the basics for now. Like characters kaise milte hain aur yeh uske life ko kaisa affect karti hai" Rao said and everyone nodded, Sukhi going to the extreme and making an action of zipping his mouth shut.  _ (So our guy has come from the village, arrangements to stay?) (Details later on. My intention is to just go through the basics for now. Like how the character meet and how this affects their life) _

"Ok, job dhoondne ke liye ek company gaya tha woh aur... you know when these people ask for  _ favours _ in return for the job? Usi tarah iske paas bhi maanga aur usne mana kiya. Is baath par gussa hokar woh uske behen plan karke... ek saath usko rape kiya" Rao said and looked around, trying to gauge everyone's reactions.

"Uske baad... they just throw him out and well... Sameer and Iqbal usko dekkar well... they take him home and chupke chupke uske dhek baal karte hai aur rahne ki jagah dete hai kyon ki he was fairly new to the city aur atha patha nahi jaantha tha. So... in that duration he learns about the family situation and how constricted the twins feel in their own home..."

"Like?" Diya asked. "I think Aslam will know what I'm talking about..." Rao said knowingly and Aslam groaned. "Mujhe kyon aisa lag raha hai ki tum yeh sab jaan booch ke humare kahaaniyon se link kardiya story ko?!" "Easier reference points, closer to reality, easier to relate" Rao said with a shrug.

"Theek hai, phir?" Laxman asked. "Phir kya? He stumbles upon Sameer crossdressing and tries to give him some advise on revelaing it to his partner, Iqbal ko uski relationship start karne ke liye ek dhakka diya usne hi... aur un dono bhi usko help karte hai thodi adjust karne ke liye aur usko job bhi dete hai Aman ke dhaba mein" Rao said with a smile.

"Aur yeh Aman kaun hai?" "Incidentally, Sid ka ek purani dost. Woh uska chachi ke saath rahta hai shehar mein aur usko dhaba chalane mein madat kartha hai.... and Sid joins them in running the place. And he witnesses the political side of suffering when he meets Atul... Aman's secret boyfriend that he accidentally comes to know of after he catches them in the act." 

"Aur Atul ki backstory?" "Woh toh anaath hai, par chote umar mein bohot maar khatha tha maa baap se... aka child abuse. Political party isi liye join kiya kyon ki they were funding his studies par... jaal mein phaskar he couldn't come out of it and is stuck there, searching for a way out. Humesha morals or duty ki chakkar ke beech mein struggle kar raha hai."

"Agla story of Maddy and Soha, Aman ke friends... they are childhood sweethearts and engaged, living next to the Sethupathi family - Shilpa family pa. And those are the people that help out Sid the most. The family shows how they still go strong after all the taunts, jeers and insults thrown their way… like how to move on in life and take events in stride and as a thing that helps one grow."

“Maddy and Soha… they do help Sid move on a bit and he actually moves to their place after a while as he doesn't want to impose on Sameer and Iqbal. And then there’s an accident where Maddy dies and well… Sid is SOha’s rock in that time… he helps her move on so… it is almost like they comfort each other out of their misery”

And Rao went on a bit about how the characters helped each other and everyone took this time to ponder upon whether they wanted to do the project or not.

"So... You all in with the script? Kuch bhi changes ho... we can work it out as we prep..." Rao said as he glanced around the pondering gazes of the group. "Idea sab achcha hai par... you think we can pull it off?" Sue asked.

"It will be tough par... agar sab cooperate karenge... hum yeh bilkul karpaayenge" Diya said with a smile. "Everyone in then?" Sonia asked and they all slowly started nodding one by one until it was only Karan who hadn't given his consent. He just slowly dropped the joint and crushed it before facing the group.

“Sonia… main nahi kar saktha” Karan said. “What? You just agreed to do it two days ago!" Sonia asked in surprise "Aur naach gaana nahi aayega is not a reason”. “Nai yaar, mujhe nahi karne hai. Please try to understand!” Karan pleaded.

“Arey kakke, kya hua ab? Hum sab tayaar hai yaar. Agar main role nahi karna hai toh math karo” DJ said. “Please yaar, force math kar mujhe! Nahi karna hai toh nahi karna hai. Just bloody leave it at that! Please” Karan shouted, his frustration peaking up with all of them forcing him

“Par kyon? What is it that is stopping you? I know that you said it was a sensitive topic par...” Aslam asked. “Because I can't alright! I just can't. It hits too close to the heart for me so please don't!" Karan begged.

"Par kyon? We just want to understand" Ajay said and that sent Karan off the edge. "You want to know why? Trauma… trauma ki baath kar rahe the na? You wanted to know how serious getting raped is for males right? Living example hoon main. And I really can't go through this all over again for god's sake! Haan, situation different tha but trauma is trauma and I can’t do this ag ain, even if it is just imaginary. It's not gonna happen. I just… I can't. I...” Karan said and a little taken back by his own revelation he stood up and walked away, leaving the shocked group behind, pondering over the implications of what was just revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all like it! All comments and criticisms accepted and appreciated!
> 
> Thank you all for reading!!!!!!
> 
> Published on 28 September 2020


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER WRITTEN BY SOUR_ROSE61!   
> (And yes, co-writers aren't changed, it's just a change in the username from Rasnak to Rasnak_2)

Karan could not breathe, he ran as far as he could, he kept running until he reached an empty area behind the campus. His whole body was trembling and tears brimmed the corners of his eyes as he attempted to calm himself down. His back hit a wall and he slid down it, praying no one had followed him. After a few moments of failed attempts at trying to control himself, he decided he knew where he needed to be. He walked up to the back of the campus and jumped over the fence of the abandoned building.

Karan found this place in his first year when he’d aimlessly stumbled upon the place, searching for a place to hide from the world and this accidental discovery was just what he’d needed. Although the building was taller than all the ones surrounding it, it was still hidden away in the maze of buildings and blocks which were completely empty, the haunting aura of it creating a sense of curiosity that lured him in. 

It was actually not a part of the college campus but was placed right behind it, and when he did his research he found that it was a popular suicide point back in the 70s, which intrigued him even more as he ventured into the old broken down building sometime after the sun had set. He managed to break the rusty old lock and get to the terrace of the building. His breath was taken away, he climbed up the water tank and watched the stars ruling the skies that night, he was sure he could see more than half the city and the view was breathtaking. 

Karan let out a breath as his smile faded, the memories of the present weighing on him as he made his way up the stairs and onto the terrace. The ladder to the top of the tank had broken a while ago so Karan had settled for the ledge that stood out somewhere between the terrace and water tank… somewhere he could pull himself up to. He let his legs dangle off the side of the beige and brown ruins. He watched the cars pass by and the clouds move, his worries slowly moving with them as the wind combed through his hair. 

He took another drag from his cigarette as he closed his eyes, wondering what would happen the next day when he would go to meet them. Will they ridicule him for running away instead of facing them? Laugh like they did today? Will they even understand if he would tell them about what happened? Will they start treating him like a doll now? So many uncertainties and no definite answers. 

He let out a shaky breath, an unexpected tear left his eye but he didn’t bother wiping it away and let it hit the denim of his jeans. It seemed like even the monotony of the cars blaring down and the beauty of the sky above wasn't going to bring him the peace and calm he wanted today… not the way they usually do anyways

His eyes wandered around the view, he took in every small detail of the city around him. His eyes settled on the very place he just left and he squinted in an attempt to decipher the events taking place there. He couldn’t figure much out as they all looked like ants crawling around from the height he was situated at. 

He nearly jumped off the ledge out of fright when the screech of the door opening that bought him out of his thoughts. He looked back to see a terrified Aslam emerge or rather stumble out from the door.

“Why are there so many damn spiders” he complained and Karan chuckled at his childishness before turning back to face the view, taking out yet another cigarette. Aslam brushed himself off thoroughly before moving to pull himself beside Karan, grumbling about the height of the building and how it looked like it could fall at any given second. After examining the terrace for a while, not that anything would’ve changed in the course of two weeks, Aslam sat beside Karan placing a hand on his shoulder, who flinched at the sudden contact.

“How’d you find me?” Karan asked, realising he’d never actually told anyone about this place.

“I’ve seen you come here many times, most stressful times like during exams and a few times during the shooting and stuff. I tried coming up a few times but it looked like you wanted your time alone. Plus, there were way too many bugs for my liking.” Aslam really took in the view this time. 

“The bugs scared you right?” Karan teased him and attempted to make a joke. His voice was still croaky and slightly dry but it did lighten the air. “Haan, thoda thoda. I mean, come on yaar! Itne saare spiders” Aslam said with a shiver and Karan let out a watery chuckle, knowing what is to come after this.  _ (Yes a little bit. I mean come on man! So many spiders) _

“Karan,” his voice was soft. “Kya hua?” Aslam asked, knowing his question wouldn’t be answered quickly. Karan just shook his head and averted his gaze, moving his head to ensure the taller boy wouldn’t be able to see the look on his face.  _ (What happened?) _

“Karan yaar, baath kar mujse. Aur aaj sach kaho, none of this hiding business, no more avoiding” Aslam said firmly as he sat beside Karan, grumbling about how he gets solace from sitting in high places.  _ (Karan man, talk to me. And today you have to tell the truth, none of this hiding business, no more avoiding) _

“Please Aslam, baath nahi karna hai mujhe iske baare mein” Karan said as he took another drag from his cigarette.  _ (Please Aslam, I don’t want to talk about it) _

“I just want to help Karan. Don't hide away from us,” Aslam squeezed his shoulder in an attempt to show some support.

“You don't understand Aslam, and it is probably better that you don't. Please jaa yaar. I just need some alone time,” his voice broke slightly and he shifted away from his touch, causing Aslam to be even more worried.  _ (You don’t understand Aslam, and it is probably better that you don’t. Please go, man. I just need some time alone) _

“We all are worried yaar, itne achanak se baagh gaya tu aur… just tell me at least” Aslam asked, trying really hard not to touch Karan, knowing that he wouldn't appreciate it right now. “The situation was different, so understand nahi karoge tum sab and you'll probably make fun of me” he mumbled.  _ (We all are really worried man, you ran away so suddenly and… just tell me at least) (The situation was different, so you all wouldn’t understand and you'll probably make fun of me) _

“Do I look like I will laugh at your misfortune?” Aslam asked, hurt at the accusation and Karan felt guilty and mumbled a sorry. “Par situation dekhoge toh waisa hi lagega” he said.  _ (But looking back at the situation it feels like you will) _

“I will be the judge of that. Ab batha, kya hua? Kab hua? Kyon tumne hume bathane ki nahi socha? Are we that bad?” Aslam asked. Karan sighed, his facade visibly breaking as his shoulders slumped, Aslam was surprised that the guilt trip actually worked but hid it. (I will be the judge of that.  _ (Now tell me, what happened? When did it happen? Why didn’t you think that you could tell us? Are we that bad?) _

“Because I was scared of the same exact thing that just happened. Did you not see the way they laughed? No one would’ve to take me seriously at that time, you all would’ve just thought of it as some joke, but it wasn’t, not for me. It hurt and I didn’t know how to tell someone without them judging the crap out of me!” His voice broke once again but he refused to cry as he breathed in deeply and closed his eyes, his head still turned away from Aslam. 

The guilt hit Aslam like a ton of bricks, his heart sunk upon hearing what Karan had to say but what affected him more was that his friend was probably right, maybe they would have brushed it off had they not seen how much it was, and still is hurting him.

“I’m sorry Karan, you’re right hume hasna nahi chaiye tha. I’m really sorry yaar, but I’m here now and I promise I won’t laugh or tease or anything, trust me I could never. I’m here for you, all I’ll do is listen, I promise.” Aslam pleaded. All he wanted was to ensure that his friend was okay but the silence from the other boy discouraged Aslam and he didn’t say much after.  _ (I’m sorry Karan, you’re right we shouldn’t have laughed. I’m really sorry man, but I’m here now and I promise I won't laugh or tease or anything, trust me I could never. I’m here for you, all I’ll do is listen, I promise.) _

The rushing of vehicles and chatter of the Delhi crowds faded into the background as the deafening sound of silence took over. Aslam had put his hand on Karan’s chin in an attempt to manoeuvre Karan to face him but Karan was stubborn and only turned further away bringing his knees up to his chest. They continued to sit in silence and Karan could feel the insistent gaze set on him which only made him feel guiltier. Almost a billion questions were running through Karan’s mind as he contemplated whether or not he should try to seek some solace in his friend. 

“A while ago I was at a party, club mein mera ek dost party rakha tha. Pura class waha tha some seniors too, mein bhi gaya,” Karan spoke after what felt like an eternity, he had barely started but it had already become difficult for him to hide the emotions in his voice.  _ (A while ago I was at a party, my friend was hosting a party in the club. The whole class was there and some seniors went too, I also went) _

“Woh meri dost thi,” he continued, still unable to look at Aslam. “We had most classes together, she was nice to me but very flirty too, we shared notes and sometimes studied together. She had two older sisters, one was working at the bar that day and the other one was there too. Hum dance kar rahe the and woh mujhe apni sisters se milna chahti thi so I went with her to the bar and her sister made me a drink. I drank it and uske baad kuch yaad nahi.” 

_ (She was my friend. We had most classes together, she was very nice to me but very flirty too, we shared notes and sometimes studied together. She had two older sisters, one was working at the bar that day and the other one was there too. We were dancing and she wanted to introduce me to her sisters so I went with her to the bar and her sister made me a drink. I drank it and after that, I don’t remember anything.) _

His voice broke and he stopped to let out a shaky breath and tears formed in the corners of his eyes as the events he so desperately wanted to lock away came rushing back to him. Aslam’s heart sank with each one of Karan’s words and all he wanted to do was break down and hold his friend but he knew it was his turn to keep up the strong facade so he placed his hand on Karan’s shoulder, squeezing it tight.

“I woke up the next day and I didn’t know where I was or what happened. I was in a lot of pain and then I saw the three of them and they played a CD. They recorded everything, Aslam, everything. It was all for money. That video gets out my life, my reputation,my dad’s reputation, everything will be ruined forever,” Karan finally broke down and the tears refused to stop flowing down his face as he tried to hold them back. Aslam felt his heart shatter.

“Maine bataya nahi kyun ki ab sab kaise react karoge bata nahi tah and darr laga aur I guess embarrassed bhi tha. I’m sorry” Karan’s head dropped into his hands and Aslam rubbed his back wanting to help him and comfort him. Aslam's guilt was eating him up, he sympathised for Karan but he didn’t really know how to help.  _ (I didn’t tell you guys because I didn’t know how you would react and I was scared and I guess I was embarrassed too. I’m sorry) _

“I’m sorry Karan.” he whispered into the quivering boy's ear and pulled him into a side hug and Karan desperately clung onto him, turning the hug into a full hug, as much as you can when you are seated onto a ledge that is.

“Isi liye us din club mein… shifty tha kya?” Aslam asked and he nodded. “That girl kissing me didn't help matters” Karan added. “Papa ko patha hai kya?” Aslam asked carefully, knowing very well that it was a sensitive topic. “He’ll kill me if he comes to know about it! You know that things between us are not that great! Iske baare mein patha chala toh...” Karan said as he looked down. 

_ (Is that why in the club the other day you were shifty?) (Does papa know?) (He’ll kill me if he comes to know about it! You know that things between us are not that great! If he comes to know about this then…) _

“You know, aksar suicide ke baare mein sochtha tha jab bhi mein yahaan aata tha… did you know it was a suicide spot long ago? Anyone would come here to commit suicide, ideal jagah tha yeh… tall building, gloomy aura, the stuff” Karan admitted and Aslam stared at him in alarm as he tightened the hug.  _ (You know, I thought a lot about suicide whenever I came here...did you know it was a suicide spot long ago? Anyone would come here to commit suicide, it’s an ideal place this...tall buildings, gloomy aura the stuff.) _

“Can’t breathe” Karan choked out and Aslam loosened his grip and stared at him, unshed tears in his eyes, “Really Karan, we were that bad huh? I mean, you were suffering and we…” Aslam trailed off, his guilt, horror and disbelief just growing when he realised how ignorant and unobservant they’d been…

Karan shook his head, he knew his own embarrassment and insecurity were to blame as he curled upon himself more, pulling away from Aslam. Aslam just scuffled closer and pulled him back into the hug.

“You know that you are strong right?” Aslam muttered, pressing a small kiss to Karan’s forehead as he rubbed his back. Karan just shook his head and tried to burrow himself into Aslam more, trying to hide from the world.

“No, just look at me for a second here. You are strong because you were able to, and are having the will to live even after all that happened. You are strong enough to not attempt suicide and control the urge to kill yourself. You are strong Karan. Bulana math. Aur haan, agar tumhe kuch baath karni hai ya phir if you ever feel like you are falling or if you ever think of committing suicide ever again, hum sab hai tumhare saath. You can come to us anytime you want.” Aslam said as he tried to calm Karan down, who was sobbing hard. 

_ (Don’t ever forget that. And yes if you ever need to talk about something or if you feel like you’re falling or if you ever think about committing suicide ever again, remember that we are here with you. You can come to us anytime you want.) _

“Nai yaar… I… I… I don't…” “Sh… just let it out ok? Kuch math soch, kuch math bol. Time hai ab dard baatne ka. Just let it out. Dil thoda halka ho jaayega shaayad” Aslam said as he cupped Karan’s face in his hands and smiled reassuringly at his sobbing friend hoping to comfort him.  _ (No dude..I...I...I don’t…) (Sh..just let it out ok? Don’t think too hard, don’t talk. It’s the time to share the pain.Just let it out. Maybe some of the weight will be lifted off your chest) _

Karan was bawling and although he despised being seen so vulnerable like he was at the moment, he couldn’t stop crying. His whole body trembled as Aslam pulled him closer and slowly rubbed his back, he buried his head deeper into Aslam’s neck not wanting to let go despite knowing he would probably be very embarrassed by this breakdown the next day. 

Aslam’s heart clenched as Karan sobbed, he felt guilty for being so ignorant and oblivious to his friends' pain and helpless as Karan continued to let out choked sobs into his arms. Aslam shifted and placed Karan’s head in his lap, running his long fingers through Karan’s hair and rubbing his arm to help calm him down as Karan curled further into himself, his mind racing back and thoughts fogged as the incident replayed in his head over and over again.

Karan’s eyelids became heavy and he started to feel drowsy as the city cleared up and the moon replaced the sun. He fell asleep in Aslam's lap, the cool wind caused goosebumps on his arms. After he fell asleep Aslam had a fixed gaze set on him, lost in his own thoughts and wondering how he could help his friend even in the slightest without feeling too invasive or overbearing as he knew that Karan will hate it if anyone started treating him like a china doll after this incident. 

Deciding Karan looked too peaceful and comfortable to wake up and take home, Aslam slowly shifted to move into a more comfortable position and sent a quick message to Ajay informing him that the both of them were fine and to go home without waiting for them. He then turned his phone off knowing he would receive a thousand calls from home but didn't want that to be the reason to disturb Karan’s sleep after all that has happened that day. 

He then leaned over the sleeping boy in his lap in such a way that his chin rested on Karan’s shoulder and it almost seemed like he wanted to protect Karan from the outside world, his protective side showing up. And sleep claimed him as he silently prayed for Karan to be strong and that his pain is taken away. 

Karan awoke to ongoing traffic and warm rays of sunlight hitting his face, he panicked and shot up from his position waking Aslam up from his slumber too. He took in his surroundings realising his whereabouts before finally calming down.

“I’m so sorry, uthane ke liye. And for keeping you here. It must've been uncomfortable” Karan mumbled, still very tired.  _ (I’m so sorry, for waking you.) _

“No yaar, are you okay?” Aslam asked in his groggy morning voice.  _ (No man, are you okay?) _ Karan nodded.

“I’m sorry about yesterday, thank you,” Karan added, looking down. Aslam raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t be silly Karan. I’m always here for you, always. Like I know you would be for me,” Aslam smiled. It was still quite dark, the sun had just started to rise.

Aslam shuffled closer to a shivering Karan as they watched the sunrise along the horizon. It was clear that Karan was absolutely drained from everything that took place but Aslam knew he had to ask.

“Are you going to tell the others?” Karan visibly stiffened from the question. He was hoping he wouldn’t have to tell anyone else and that he could go back and pretend everything was fine. “They’re really worried about you.” Aslam stared intently at him, waiting for some sort of verbal if not physical reaction but he got nothing. 

“I don’t know” Karan’s whisper was barely audible, Aslam probably wouldn’t have heard it if Karan wasn’t wrapped up in his arms. “I don’t want to actually, I don’t think I can, mujhse nahi hoga,” he continued, shaking his head.  _ (I don’t want to actually, I don’t think I can. I can’t do it,)  _

“Kyu nahi?”  _ (Why not?) _

“Aslam, I-” he took in a deep breath before continuing. “Sometimes I can’t even look at myself without feeling disgusted. Kisi se bolne ki bhi koshish kiya na toh woh sare memories wapas aa jate hain.”  _ (Sometimes I can’t even look at myself without feeling disgusted. Every time I try to tell someone then those memories just come back to me.) _

“Woh tumhe puchenge, you know right? Play ke bare mein bhi puchenge. Tu jawab de payega ya main kuch bol du?” Aslam asked.  _ (They’re going to ask you, you know right? They’ll ask about the play too. Will you be able to respond or should I say something?) _

“Shaayad abhi ke liye kuch math bol tum… I mean…. I just can’t, ok… mujhe nahi patha ki main abhi kuch bol paaunga ya nahi… I can’t… I can’t…” Karan said as he started gasping, feeling short of breath as he felt his chest constrict.  _ (For now, maybe just don’t say anything... I mean...I just can’t, ok...I don't know if I’ll be able to talk to them or not...I can’t...I can’t…) _

“Ok, ok, don't panic now… I am sure they will understand whatever it is. Otherwise, I will ask them to give you some space ok. No need to worry. Main tere saath hoon, whatever happens. We will get through this, together.” Aslam said, trying to pacify Karan.  _ (Ok, ok, don't panic now… I am sure they will understand whatever it is. Otherwise, I will ask them to give you some space ok. No need to worry. I’m with you, whatever happens. We will get through this, together.) _

They sat cuddled up against each other in comfortable silence watching the city wake up as the sun engulfed them in a warm embrace. Their eyes were set forward watching the mostly empty view fill up with people going on with their daily life, kids to school, adults to jobs and vehicles unnecessarily honking at each other. Karan’s eyes kept flickering back to the classroom, nervous as to how he would face his friends. His eyes flickered back but didn’t turn away as he watched people file into the classroom, his heart started beating harder and faster. He turned back wanting to ignore it, the sun burning bright onto his face. 

Aslam reached over to grab his phone out of his bag, realising Karan hadn’t gotten a single call or text overnight he reached over for Karan’s too. He had received many calls from his family as expected but just sent a message to his mother declaring he’d slept at a friends place then went on to read another million messages from his friends asking about Karan and if they were alright, he replied only to Sonia knowing she would inform the others.

“Chale kya? Sab wait kar rahe hai,” Aslam looked closely at Karan as he asked the question.  _ (Shall we go? Everyone is waiting,) _

“Jana hai kya?” Karan’s anxiety was reaching a new peak.  _ (Do we have to go?) _

He desperately wanted to avoid confronting his friends, he still felt as though they would ridicule him or not be as understanding as Aslam was. Aslam untangled himself from their hug and sighed hopping off the ledge and outstretching his arm to his obviously very anxious friend.

“Aaj nahi toh kal jana padega, sab ko face karna padega na? You’re just laying off the inevitable,” Aslam tried to convince him by pushing his hand further towards Karan.

_ (If not today then tomorrow you’ll have to go, you’ll have to face everyone right? You’re just laying off the inevitable,) _

“Actually if I try hard enough I think I can avoid them forever,” Karan scoffed jokingly. 

“Oh please, tu humare bina reh nahi sakta” Aslam shot back, chuckling.  _ (Oh please, you can’t live without us) _

Karan gave in, placing his hand in Aslam’s, letting the taller boy lead the way as his mind was too clouded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All comments and criticisms accepted and appreciated!
> 
> Thank you all for reading!!!!!
> 
> Published on 29 October 2020


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so... this is kinda like a parellel sequence starting from the moment Karan left the place and then rejoins from the end of the previous chapter.

Everyone stopped to watch Karan turn around and walk hurriedly away from them. They were all confused and shocked from his sudden outburst. Aslam and Ajay’s jaw hung slightly open, lips slightly parted as they watched the equally shocked Karan slowly disappear from their view. Dj and Sukhi locked eyes, Sukhi looked at him expecting and hoping that he understood what Karan had just said but only met with an equally confused Dj. 

“What does he mean by example?” Ajay’s words were slow and dragged out. Worst-case scenarios started playing in his mind and he silently prayed that he was only overthinking. 

He looked over at Aslam who was still facing Karan’s direction, then at Sonia who stood next to him and was equally confused as she was concerned. His question went unanswered as everyone retreated to their positions on the steps in complete silence, still pondering over the unforeseen revelation. The Ajanta troupe and Rao stood awkwardly to the side and watched the usually exuberant group of friends lost deep in thought. The words ‘trauma’ and ‘example’ echoed in Ajay’s mind and his head dropped into his hands, Sonia placed a hand on his shoulder. Laxman watched the couple closely, their equation with Karan although unspoken didn’t go unnoticed, he wondered whether they would go after him.

“Is he gonna be okay? Shouldn’t we go after him?” Sue asked. Sukhi glanced over at Aslam and nodded his head to the side, motioning him to go after Karan knowing how close they were. 

“I’ll go,” Ajay offered before Aslam could even respond to Sukhi. 

“Main jaunga. Waise bhi only I know where he most likely is. Aur tum jaoge toh woh kuch kahega nahin, tum jante ho na woh kaisa hain” Aslam explained standing up. Ajay nodded in response showing that he understood, even though he didn’t completely agree with the idea. Aslam grabbed his bag and took off, legs moving as fast as he could move them. Sonia cleared her throat and looked up at Rao.  _ (I’ll go. Anyways only I know where he most likely is. And if you go he most likely won’t tell you anything, you know how he is) _

“How about we continue with the story, yeah?” Sonia picks up the paper Rao was going through and shoves it in his hands, encouraging him to go on. Rao continued with the script, the memory of Karan nagging him as he feared that he had offended or hurt him. The gang listened on as Rao continued but the thought of Karan couldn’t help but infiltrate their minds as they attempted to pay attention.

“Well I guess bakhi ka information mein kal dunga. I don't think anyone is able to concentrate right now. And anyway, there’ll be no need to repeat things again and again once we have everyone here” Rao explained.  _ (Well, I guess I will give the rest of the information tomorrow.) _

“Ok. For now, we must concentrate on the smaller characters and pivotal ones” Diya said as Rao handed a copy of the script to her. More people started to file into the classroom, a campfire was lit and music began to play, the ground practically vibrating under them. Dj and Sukhi had started their stupid and dangerous beer game, Sue, Sonia, Diya and Anokhi cheered them on and Imraan had started to paint the walls while the others drunkenly danced around each other. Ajay and Laxman sat in one corner talking, but Ajay seemed preoccupied, mentally he was somewhere else.

“Karan ke baare mein soch rahe ho?” Laxman asked, placing his hand on the pilot’s shoulder. Ajay sighed and nodded.  _ (Are you thinking about Karan?) _

“It’s almost ten aur Aslam and Karan haven’t come back yet. What if something happened?” his voice was filled with concern and genuine fear, it felt odd for Laxman to see him this way but nevertheless, he understood what might be going through Ajay’s mind. 

Ajay was looking over at Sonia who was giggling with the other girls like a bunch of teens, she was always better at hiding her worry than he was. He went back to his rather bland conversation with Laxman, trying to shake off that horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach and the intrusive thoughts. 

“Alright, spill. There is more that is bothering you” Laxman said as he stared at Ajay, who was zoning out quite a lot. “It is nothing yaar, leave it” Ajay said, trying to brush it off.

“No, you are talking right now. Whatever it is, you know you can tell me right? I mean… you do consider me to be a friend right?” Laxman asked, feeling a bit insecure at the end.

“And that is exactly the problem Laxman… that exactly is the problem. I’ve known Karan for so many years, we’re the oldest friends in the group… I have known him since the time he was 4 years old… and I couldn't even… I didn't even suspect that…” Ajay said as tears pooled in his eyes, trying not to think about it.

“Don’t blame yourself for not noticing, it won’t help anyone. It’s not surprising that no one noticed or asked. For now we need to focus on him and make sure he knows we are there and he can open up to us.” Laxman attempted to console him. Ajay nodded and closed his eyes, memories of a small bubbly Karan and him jumping around the garden and he wondered and tried to pinpoint the exact moment when it all changed.

“No, you are not going to overthink about this. Just relax for a while and let go. Overthinking is not going to help anyone, nor is your guilt going to help Karan. IF anything, it will just make Karan more distant as he will feel guilty as you feel guilty and all that. You know how Karan is” Laxman reprimanded and Ajay just stayed silent, not wanting to comment as he knew whatever Laxman said was true.

Around midnight Ajay’s phone alerted him of a text message from Aslam, it read ‘We’re okay but don’t wait for us. He’s already asleep, we will meet tomorrow’. Ajay sighed, slightly relieved that Karan was safe and Aslam too. 

“It’s from Aslam, they said to leave without them and that they’re okay,” Laxman let out a sigh of relief hearing Ajay read out the text. He informed the others who seemed too drunk to even comprehend what he was saying.

Sonia sighed and hopped off the bike as it halted before the gate of her hostel. She leaned back in to give Ajay a small peck on the cheek when she noticed his eyes were teary and his face bore a melancholic expression. Disheartened by his body language she angled his face towards her and bought her lips to his. Pulling away, she rested her forehead on his.

“He’ll be okay” she whispered, only so Ajay could hear.

“Promise?” he whispered back at the same level. She just smiled sadly and ran a comforting hand down his arm.

“What happens to us, the three of us now?” he asked, laying his head on her shoulder. 

“I don’t know, the most we can do now is hope and just help him as much as we can and we have to be patient and not rush into things okay?” she ran her finger through his hair and he hummed in response lifting his head. “But-“ 

“Go home. Get some rest, we will see Karan and talk to him tomorrow, okay?” she interrupted him knowing she wouldn’t know how to answer, the only response she received was a slight nod. She gave him a little peck on the forehead and walked off into the darkness, hair flying behind her small figure. Ajay barely slept that night, a strange feeling of guilt in the pit of his stomach. 

Sonia had also tossed and turned for quite a while before falling into a deep slumber. Sukhi sat on the balcony of his hostel room, careful to not wake Dj up as he tried calling Aslam over and over again only to be met with the same automated voicemail. Sighing, he decided it was no use and went to bed. When Ajay awoke that morning from what could barely be called a nap he felt a strange nervousness for the day ahead. 

The group assembled at the classroom again for the discussion, their worries growing tenfold as they didn’t find Aslam or Karan there yet as they usually were the ones who were the first to arrive usually. Rao continued reading a part of the script when they finally heard footsteps coming that way.

“Karan!!!!” everyone chorused when Aslam and Karan entered the classroom that morning and Aslam tried to make them all stay back for a while, silently asking them to give him some space.

“Tum theek ho na?” was the first question thrown at him and Karan gulped. “I’m ok… just need some time…” he said. “But I really don't think I’ll be able to do this…”  _ (You are ok right?) _

“Par kya hua? Why are you against it?” DJ asked. “Agar baath nahi karna chahta hai toh force math kar yaar. What happened while we weren’t here yesterday?” Aslam asked as he shedded his jacket. In hindsight, they should’ve probably stopped by at home before coming but… it wasn’t exactly in the front of his mind when he woke up on the terrace of the godforsaken building.  _ (But what happened?)(If he doesn't want to talk then don't force him) _

The others just let it be and took upon the diversion. “Roles toh fix nahi ki par… he elaborated a bit more on the backstories and baath kar raha tha actor hunting ke liye” Ajay listed out one by one. _ (The roles aren't fixed yet but… he elaborated a bit more on the backstories and was talking about the actors hunting) _

“So yes, we are in search of the people to do the roles right now…” Diya said. “And woh Muslim twins toh fit karti hai Aslam aur Imraan ko honestly...” Sukhi said with a nudge. “And woh ek Muslim ki boyfriend toh tumhare tarah tha description mein… karoge kya?” DJ retorted and Sukhi just shrugged.  _ (And the Muslim twins fit Aslam and Imraan honestly) (And the description of the Muslim’s boyfriend fits you… will you do it?) _

“I will be the tomboy girlfriend” Anokhi volunteered. “Rao… why does it feel like you have tailor-made the characters to look like us in real life?” Laxman asked. “Thoda toh aapse hi inspiration li thi maine… while the others were completely my imagination” Rao said with a shrug.  _ (I took some inspiration from you guys… while the others were completely my imagination) _

“But, I had no idea of Karan’s problem, you can’t blame me for it… but thinking of it… I think he will fit the role pretty well” Rao commented. “Haan, real-life experience toh humesha kuch deta hai relate karne ke liye… personally, I think you will be best-suited kyon ki you know how it feels like” Diya said.  _ (Yeah, real-life experiences always gives something to relate… personally I think you will be the best suited as you know how it feels like) _

“Yeah, this way maybe you can prevent others from going through what you went through you know…” Sue said and Karan felt a little overwhelmed by the pestering and moved back to sit down on the stairs, his head in his hands.

“I really think you need to give him some space guys. You are crowding on him” Sonia said, eyeing him. Aslam moved towards him and gently caressed his head, trying his best to make him calm down. Yep, they definitely needed a bath soon, that was for sure.

“Karan, look at me” Aslam said softly as he gently ran his hand through Karan’s hair. Karan just shook his head “This is why I didn’t want to come today” he muttered, trying to even out his breathing as everyone looked at each other helplessly. 

“Sorry for intruding” Sue said quietly as she tried to approach Karan but he just waved it off. “Its ok Sue, koi problem nahi hai. I am just not ready for it… is sab ke baare mein baath karne ke liye” Karan admitted.  _ (It's ok Sue, there's no problem. I am just not ready for it… talking about all this) _

“Karan…” DJ started but he just shook his head and asked everyone to leave him alone for a while. Though reluctant, the group did leave him alone to his thoughts, thinking that he would approach them when he was ready.

“You know… I think the role might give you some sort of closure if you allow it” Aslam prompted after a while. “What do you mean?” Karan asked, feeling a bit confused. 

“I mean… role toh ek rape victim ka role hai and his process of healing… itne din toh is sabko chupke chupke jee raha tha tum par ab… you can let it out. Log bolte hai ki baath ko baatne se thoda dard kam ho jaati hai… that doesn't mean you are completely free of the pain and trauma…” Aslam tried to explain.    
_ (I mean… role toh ek rape victim ka role hai and his process of healing… you kept this all hush hush but now… you can let it out. People say that sharing problems will lessen the pain a bit… that doesn't mean you are completely free of the pain and trauma…) _

“So you are trying to say that doing this role might help me cope?” Karan asked incredulously, staring at Aslam as if he’d gone mad. “Possible. I mean, as far as I know… you shouldn’t take it lightly… serious trauma hai… And I just want to try and help” Aslam said.

“You think they’ll…” Karan asked. “Probably… They are a bit overprotective no… they’ll definitely want to know what happened, especially since you are refusing to be part of the play. And because they are your friends and care for you” Aslam said.

“I’m going for a walk… thodi dher… I just want to be alone for a while… yeh sab… its just… can you please explain it to them? Pura nahi, just the basics of it” Karan asked pleadingly.  _ (I’m going for a walk… for sometime… I just want to be alone for a while… all this… its just… can you please explain it to them? Maybe not fully but, just the basics of it) _

“Achcha, theek hai, I’ll do it… just think upon what I said ok… tumhare hi tarah log wahaan hai… and I think this may really help people understand the gravity of the situation…” Aslam said and Karan nodded and walked off.  _ (Ok then, I’ll do it… just think upon what I said ok… there are people exactly like you out there… and I think this may really help people understand the gravity of the situation…) _

“Kya hua Karan ke saath? Why does he look so… down?” Sonia asked in worry. “Usne bola tha na, sensitive topic hai, wohi… he just needs some time without us pestering him… and probably therapy” Aslam muttered. “What do you mean?” Ajay asked. “Exactly what I said.” Aslam said vaguely.  _ (What happened with Karan?) (He told us no, this is a sensitive topic, that's what… he just needs time without us pestering him… and probably therapy) _

“Matlab?” DJ prompted. “Victim tha woh… and saale ne itne saal iss baath ko humse chupa raha hai'' Aslam burst out. “What??” everyone chorused.  _ (Meaning?) (He was a victim… and that bastard is hiding this from us for years) _

“Haan, sensitive, sensitive batha raha tha na woh? Isi liye batha raha tha. I won’t be able to tell you the whole story, woh toh Karan hi batha saktha hai par main itna keh saktha hoon ki he was a victim… aur yeh play… it somehow hits close to home for him. Isi liye karna nahi chahta hai woh” Aslam said.  _ (Yeah, sensitive, he was talking about it being a sensitive topic no? This is why he said that. I won't be able to tell you the whole story, that can only be divulged by Karan but I can say that he was a victim… and this play… it somehow hits close to home. That's why he doesn't want to do it) _

“Oh… aur itne saal humne use iske baare mein kabhi poocha bhi nahi” Sonia mumbled in regret. “He was acting as usual as always… koi bhi change tha humne ghar ki problem ya phir puberty samajkar sideline ki par…” Ajay trailed off guiltily.  _ (Oh… and all these years we never asked him about it) (He was acting as usual, like always… whatever change there was we blamed it on puberty or domestic issues and sidelined it) _

“Hamesha jeethta tha na emotional hiding mein… saale kutte” DJ said. “You remember that day in the bar? Jab us ladki ne… was that…” Laxman asked suddenly. “Bar mein kya hua?” Ajay asked.  _ (Always won in the competition of hiding emotions… that dog) (You remember that day in the bar? When that girl… was that…) (What happened in the bar) _

“Woh… us din… ek ladki ne usko pick up karne ki try ki thi aur baar baar Karan ne mana kiya tha. Jab woh zid karti thi Laxman ne aakar poocha ki kya ho raha tha aur us ladki ne bina pooche Karan ko kiss karke chali gayi… He looked a bit out of it after that par wave off kardiya humko” Aslam said.  _ (That day… A girl tried to ask him out and Karan refused again and again. And when she started to insist, Laxman asked what was happening and the girl kissed Karan without asking and left) _

“Aur iske baare mein hume kyon nahi bathaya tune?” Sonia asked, ever the mother hen. “Tum logon toh overprotective hai aur… I think you know why” Aslam said with a shrug.  _ (And why didn’t you tell us about it?) (You are all overprotective and… I think you know why) _

“Par ab kya karen?” Sukhi asked. “Just… just try to treat him normally, like we used to… I guess” Aslam said with a shrug. “Like we used to? Iske baare mein jaane ke baad? You think it is possible?” Sue asked.  _ (But what do we do now?) (Like we used to? After getting to know about this? You think it is possible?) _

“Definitely. I mean… if we start treating him differently… he’ll just feel more uncomfortable and more distant and we don't want that.” Aslam said confidently. Before anyone could speak up, Karan walked back in and looked at everyone in the eyes. “I’ll do it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all like it! All comments and criticism accepted and appreciated!
> 
> Thank you all for reading!!!!
> 
> Published on 17 December 2020


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